Friday, 4th December 2020

The comfortably-off guide to doing the second lockdown better than everyone else

IS government plunging your area unfairly into lockdown even though the virus can’t spread between detached houses? Follow these pointers to sail through it: 

Fill your days

Schools are remaining open to take your marvellous, high-achieving, frankly inconvenient children off your hands. Pass the time until 3pm by spending an hour on a new hobby like needlework, poetry or petting a miniature horse and the other five hours bragging about it online. And necking prosecco.

Build your home office

A spare bedroom won’t do as a home office, not the second time around. Either convert it to something intimidatingly well-shelved or go the summerhouse route, taking your social media followers through every stage from delivery to painting to broadband installation. Then sit in it bored because you’re on furlough.

Work that house

Smug homilies about home being more important than ever are the perfect accompaniment to videos of you hoovering a seemingly endless landing. Never mention that your cleaner’s still coming because you’ve insisted she’s a key worker over her haltingly-voiced objections.

Focus on achievements

Children home, forcing you to sober up? Hours to kill before they can be sent to bed? A quick tracking shot over their wonderful homework signals your pride in them before you stick them on the PS4 and retire to your home office to watch Pointless.

Take time for self-care

Despite your best efforts stress is inevitable. If everything feels too much run yourself a hot bath for you-time, or drive to your second home to relax on your own terms.