IF you’re an overweight, overconfident man and you’re outdoors, it’s time to get that shirt off and flaunt that impressive belly. Here are some tips on how best to do it:
Have the self-confidence of a man with visible abs
Yes, technically you have breasts, but who cares? In the park or pub beer garden let everyone stare at you with awe and attraction. You are God’s gift to women, particularly after a large amount of Stella, which is great for improving your body confidence.
Pair your naked torso with shorts two sizes too small
Being naked from the waist up simply isn’t enough. Pick shorts that barely fasten and are mostly hidden by a hairy, overhanging stomach. It’s all about making sure every part of your body is as visible as possible, as everyone definitely wants to see it.
Make sure you’re in a crowded place
It’s no good keeping your sweaty torso to suitable spaces like the beach – people innocently going about their daily business need to see it, too. A busy high street is good, or a supermarket. Make sure as many people as possible get to see this supersized Adonis.
Don’t worry about being extremely sweaty or sunburnt
Vast amounts of sweat are healthy and show your body is working efficiently, although you may start to smell a bit as the day wears on. As for lobster-look sunburn, this just shows you’re the sort of rugged alpha male who isn’t troubled by a bit of extreme discomfort. Again, plenty of alcohol helps.
Do something inappropriate
Invade some personal space. Draw a hilarious face on your belly and show it to people. Fish around in your bellybutton and inspect the findings. This is your moment – live it up!