The top five Halloween costumes and how they're offensive to Gen Z

HALLOWEEN is about dressing up, having fun and deeming the costumes of others offensive and demanding their cancellation. These are practically hate speech: 

Mario and Luigi

You and your best mate want to do a costume together, you like video games, the movie was out this year, where’s the harm? The harm, you are informed, is in the perpetuation of a cultural stereotype because not all Italians are plumbers who leap down pipes and smash blocks with their heads for money, you xenophobic bastard.

Sexy maid

Ever actually worked as a maid? Nothing sexy about it. You are appropriating labour undertaken by immigrant workers with low pay, long hours and often exploitation. Why don’t you try making beds and cleaning up after other people all day and then see how you feel, your teenager says, oblivious to any irony.

Harley Quinn

A Halloween mainstay, a bit of fun, popular with the kids surely? Apart from those kids who inform you the character is deeply problematic, a victim of domestic abuse, gaslighting and coercion and you are glorifying a mentally unwell criminal. If you knew Harley was queer in the comics now you could argue back, but you don’t.

Sexy nurse

Really? Haven’t nurses suffered enough? Don’t they deserve to be taken seriously? By objectifying these professions you turn them into nothing but perverse avatars for your shameful fantasies. You’re the kind of prick who dressed as Covid in 2021, aren’t you?


Where to start? Oppenheimer committed mass murder. As for Barbie, the unrealistic standard of beauty she created have led to generations of body dysmorphia, which is even worse. Being rollerskate Barbie isn’t subverting that, it’s playing into it. Dressing up as both of them and going full Barbenheimer? Leave society now. You are not welcome here anymore.

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Shattered nation finding what comfort it can in Manchester United defeat

A COUNTRY beset by horrifying news on every front is trying to wrap itself in the warm glow of Manchester United being beaten three-nil by City. 

The loss of a much-loved actor and the war between Israel and Hamas has left desperate Britons with nothing to bring cheer to their hearts except a United defeat that leaves them eighth in the table.

Nathan Muir of Denton said: “Sometimes it feels like there’s nothing to put a smile on your face. Thank God for United.

“They’re always there, always striving to be top four, team loaded with expensive stars, bringing the whole nation joy by buggering it up. Their misery is our fortune.

“It’s disappointing they only lost by three when you consider what’s going on in the world. Given the Gaza situation they owed us more than that, but I suppose it makes the 7-0 loss to Liverpool last March that bit more special.

“When will I stop enjoying it? I speak for millions of football fans when I say I don’t think I will. It was marvellous in the 70s and 80s and it’s marvellous now. Fergie was a blip.”

United fan Steve Malley of Colchester said: “Not being owned by Qatar technically makes us the plucky, valiant underdogs. Not that I’d expect anyone to believe that.”