A WOMAN is wondering whether she should brave a vacant public toilet cubicle where the lid is sinisterly shut.
After finding herself in the unenviable position of needing to go for a piss in Crewe station, Eleanor Shaw is debating whether to take a chance with the one empty cubicle and risk discovering the crimes that lie hidden beneath the toilet’s closed lid.
Shaw said: “Leaving the lid shut on a public toilet is basically an admission that there’s some horrendous faecal atrocity under there. At best it’s a turd that didn’t flush, but it’s more likely to be some soiled underwear a lunatic tried to shove down the U-bend.
“Going in there and opening that toilet will basically be like unwrapping the worst Christmas present ever. Well, maybe the second worst, considering my husband gave me a strimmer last year.
“I’m just trying to weigh up how badly I need to go for a piss against how willing I am to open what will almost certainly be a Pandora’s box of diarrhoea.
“My train leaves in a few minutes and the woman that went into the other cubicle ahead of me was wearing a playsuit, and she’s bound to spend 45 minutes struggling out of that thing to take a shit. So I’m probably going to have to risk it.”
After emerging from the cubicle, a haunted-looking Shaw said: “I can’t say what I saw in there or I’ll be sick, but this building should be condemned then burned to the ground.”