WHO could possibly fill Piers Morgan’s clown shoes? Well, any one of these knobheads could step in as Good Morning Britain co-host seamlessly:
Providing a perfect example of ‘be careful what you wish for’, there’s now nothing to stop Jezza sliding in to spout lightly sanitised versions of his Sun columns while dancing around racial slurs. Except that, in a rare case of laziness being a virtue, there’s no way he could be arsed.
Want Susannah to look even more uncomfortable? Put this silvered lothario next to her. Hollywood would love to diversify his portfolio by strutting around the Good Morning Britain studio, splitting hairs over perfectly adequate news reports, flirting with a clearly disgusted Charlotte Hawkins, and telling Lorraine she’s too old for him.
No stranger to the show, Nigel takes away all that unpleasant tension about what he might say next because it will absolutely, no shadow of a doubt, be racist. Would drink pints and smoke from 6.30am onwards, which to be honest it’d be nice to see.
Good Morning Britain goes out live so someone with the reflexes of a fighter pilot would need to be hired to censor his expletives, but if you want some to be f**king angry at Matt Hancock he’d do it. Might cross the line and threaten to ‘come down to Westminster and f**king strangle you with these two hands’ which again captures the country’s mood.
The saviour of TV-am would bring decades of presenting experience to the role and his brash, overbearing personality would be a busman’s holiday for Susanna Reid. Viewers would quickly realise that society has dumbed down so much that an 80s puppet is now a heavyweight presenter of real gravitas, expertly grilling politicians and dissecting issues, and they’d turn off in record numbers.