Liverpool is not a real place, claims Rupert Murdoch

LIVERPOOL is an entirely fictional city, Rupert Murdoch has insisted.

The owner of the Times and the Sun said his newspapers would never run stories about non-existent places and would instead focus on ‘real cities’ like Birmingham and Newcastle.

He added: “Liverpool only exists in films and comics, like Gotham and Metropolis.

“My newspapers do not report fiction. We pride ourselves on providing facts that have been gathered in an honourable way.

“Shoddy newspapers like the Guardian and the Mirror can write about this ‘Liverpool’ and try and hoodwink their readers into believing that it occupies a large area in the North West of England.

Sun readers are much too clever to fall for that nonsense.”

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That Schindler was a meddling do-gooder, say Tories

RESCUING child refugees is the sort of sentimental nonsense that belongs in films, senior Tories have confirmed.

As pressure grows on the government to accept 3,000 vulnerable children into the UK, ministers are insisting they are all naughty little tinkers like the Artful Dodger, and should be kept away.

Tory MP Denys Finch-Hatton said:  “Before you know it, the whole country will be overrun by gangs of marauding children.

“I’ve seen this sort of thing at the cinema. Fagin rescued abandoned children and they were a menace to society. Bugsy Malone and his gang were a terrible influence, and the Lost Boys just took advantage of Wendy’s kindness.

“And as for Schindler’s List, that film was about him having to take care of lots of kids that didn’t belong to him, because he meddled in other people’s business.

“Children should be isolated and alone, like when Mr Bumble locked Oliver in a cellar, but the cellar is actually France.”