Monday, 8th March 2021

Man more gutted about loss of Q Magazine than loss of elderly grandma

A MAN is more upset that coronavirus stole from him the opportunity to discover the 50 best Oasis B-sides than the chance to see his old nan one last time.

Tom Booker, 46, is distraught that the pandemic has forced the closure of what he has always enjoyed pompously describing as ‘the Led Zeppelin of British rock journalism’.”

Booker said: “Yeah, it was sad about my nan but, to be fair, she was 92. She’d had a good innings, whereas Q was tragically only 34 years-old. I’ve got Paul Weller t-shirts older than that.

“What am I going to base my music prick persona around now? I’ll just be any other middle-aged bloke in jeans and a leather jacket without being able to list the Buzzcock’s greatest live performances.

“My nan could make a great Victoria sponge but she couldn’t tell me how I should feel about the confusing gender fluidity of Christine and the Queens.

“If Mojo goes too, I’ll have to get a whole new personality. Maybe as a golf enthusiast.”