Couple to divorce after man cries at videogame

A MAN is facing divorce after his wife found him sobbing real tears at the end of a videogame. 

Nathan Muir completed Red Dead Redemption 2 after more than a year’s play and found himself moved to tears during its final stages, causing wife Shelley to ask what the f**k is wrong with him.

She said: “He claims he’s been on a journey. With a bunch of pixels that run around and kill each other? Did he used to cry when the ghosts ate Pac-Man?

“I’ve watched him playing that game, all he does is shoot people. I’m not worried about that. That’s normal for a man in his leisure time.

“But if he’s getting actually moved by this stuff when he didn’t even shed a tear at the end of Marley & Me, then sorry but I’m off. It’s like crying over the driver when you crash your Scalextric.

“I’ll have the house and the car, and he can sit in a bedsit with his PS4 which apparently meets all his emotional needs. F**king robot.”

Nathan Muir said: “Joke’s on her, because I’m married in-game.”

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How to make sure your staycation is as awful as your usual foreign holiday

MILLIONS of Britons will be holidaying in the UK this summer, missing out on the disappointment and inconvenience involved in travelling abroad. Here’s how to recreate it.

Mess with your body clock

Jet lag and general timezone confusion is a key part of any foreign holiday. By randomly changing the time on your phone, or setting off in the car at 3am, you can guarantee yourself some bleary-eyed days shivering around the pool at Butlin’s Minehead.

Get bitten

It isn’t a proper summer holiday until a tiny insect has eaten you alive as you enjoy an evening stroll along a beautiful beach. Thankfully, the UK has mosquito hotspots in its vast array of lakes, lochs and boggy waters, or you could just antagonise an aggressive dog into giving you a nip.

Lose your bankcard

Nothing says foreign holiday like running out of cash in the local currency or not being able to use your bank card at a restaurant. Leave your debit card on a bench and hope someone empties your account so you can spend the week on the phone to the bank.

Get lost

The best arguments happen when Brits are sweating in a hire car as they complete a third loop of the airport exit route. Try Wales for its incomprehensible road signs, and any Cornish fishing village for narrow streets where you are sure to get the car wedged or drive into a harbour.

Have breakfast at an Irish pub

Given how easy this is to do this in resort towns, it should be much simpler in the UK. However, you might need to head to Ireland to guarantee this one, or spend your holiday near a train station in central London.