A MIDDLE-AGED man has lost three friends to a localised outbreak of conspiracy theories.
Martin Bishop, 47, tragically witnessed some of his best mates succumbing in quick succession, despite them having no underlying tendency towards the condition.
Bishop said: “One day our Whatsapp group was all about valuing football players and ranking biscuits, and the next it was Bill Gates, microchips and 5G.
“Those of us who weren’t displaying any symptoms tried to steer the conversation back round to the five-a-side team, but it was too late to save them.
“The last message I saw before leaving the group was about organising a ‘Men Against Masks’ protest for the weekend.
“Apparently it was just the three of them, walking around the town centre with placards saying ‘Question Everything’ and then going to ‘Spoons when it started raining.”
Bishop added that he and others who had been in touch with the trio were now isolating and upping their exposure to science, reason and logic.