‘PROUD OF YOURSELVES?’ shouts Daily Mail editor at ducks in park

DAILY Mail editor Paul Dacre has asked ducks in his local park if they are proud of themselves for increasing the possibility of a Marxist in number 10. 

Dacre, who increased his own pay by 50 per cent to £2.5 million this week, accused the mallards of being ‘self-consumed malcontents’ who ‘pulled the rug from under our EU negotiators’.

He continued: “Just as the newly confident Tories had inched ahead in the polls, you fucking feathery bastards! The very moment!

“You’ve not just betrayed me, your leader, but the Conservative party and 17.4 million Brexit voters. I ought to kill you and eat you, like a migrant would.

“I’ve printed your pictures. My readers know what to do. Duck or drake, this park is not safe for you any more. They will hunt you down.

“Don’t you quack at me! Don’t you dare! I’M PAUL FUCKING DACRE!”

Duck Tom Booker said: “This country’s democratic institutions didn’t just stop dead after the referendum, mate. Parliament still has a valid role.

“Anyway, give us some bread.”