EU comforts May by reminding her it doesn’t give a shit

BRUSSELS officials have comforted Theresa May by reminding her they care no more about her stupid Commons defeat than they did about her idiot election. 

The prime minister admits that EU politicians have given her perspective by showing how contemptible and pathetic the internal arguments of the Conservative Party are when viewed from afar.

She said: “Honestly, when an EU official points out that we are no more than ants squabbling over a melted lolly to them and he wouldn’t give a fuck if I was replaced by Corbyn tomorrow, it means a lot to me.

“I remember speaking to Donald Tusk after the election and it became apparent he had no idea it was over and was not remotely interested in the result.

“I made a deal with the DUP the next day. Who gives a shit, right?”

Jean-Claude Juncker said: “The Greeks had a whole referendum and we ignored it. Why would we care what your parliament does?

“Brexit means Brexit, motherfuckers. Maybe you’re beginning to get that now.”