WE’RE bombarded by slogans, but for every iconic ‘Just Do It’ there’s a dodgy ‘It’s not for girls’. Here are some of the most perplexing:
See it, say it, sorted
The next time you’re on a train and see something unusual, text the British Transport Police and ask them to help you enact this grammatically garbled set of instructions. But remember that when they say ‘if you see something that doesn’t look right’ they mean a terrorist clutching a bomb, rather than the fact that the buffet cart has just charged you £7 for a coffee and a Twirl.
When the fun stops, stop
This slogan unhelpfully forgets that for true addicts gambling is addictive, rather than a bit of a laugh. Fun is helping your Nan put 50p each way on the Grand National because she likes the name of the horse, whereas problem gambling is selling her jewellery to put a £400 bet on a South Korean volleyball match. If you only consider stopping at that stage, it’s a bit late.
Don’t be evil
Everyone knows that huge corporations are always evil, so going out of your way to claim yours isn’t just makes your inherent badness even more obvious, especially when your company is well known for collecting data for nefarious purposes and not paying tax. Google has now changed its slogan to ‘Do the right thing’, which might be even worse as it suggests they have a guilty conscience to assuage.
Eat Out to Help Out
Who or what exactly were we meant to be ‘helping out’? The spread of Covid? The introduction and acceptance of continental-style al fresco dining in places utterly unsuited to it, like a narrow pavement next to a thunderously busy dual carriageway? Because apparently it had a negligible impact on the hospitality industry, however snappy Rishi’s slogan sounded at the time.
Va Va Voom
Twenty years ago, people went wild for f**king annoying, meaningless slogans, which is why pubs were full of idiots yelling ‘Wazzuuuuuup’ at each other over bottles of piss-weak American beer. We also fell for hunky French footballer Thierry Henry exploring the meaning of the phrase ‘Va va voom’, as if it was important philosophical discourse and not just a load of bollocks invented to make the lumpy old Renault Clio seem sexy.