But what's actually wrong with 'friends with benefits', ask men

MEN are struggling to understand why women are so disapproving of a nice, cosy ‘friends with benefits’ scenario. 

Seeing it as the best of both worlds, men have admitted they honestly are unable to see the disadvantages and asked their female friends if they are able to list them then please do.

Tom Logan said: “Friendship is nice. Sex is nice. Put them together and what have you got? Double nice. Maybe even nice squared.

“It’s a friendship with a shared interest that you enjoy doing together, but in this case the interest isn’t tennis or Warhammer but fun, playful sex. I don’t get why going to an art gallery with a female friend is fine while going at it doggystyle is forbidden.

“Friends with benefits means you can have all the joys of a satisfying sexual relationship and then engage in other activities you enjoy, like playing videogames, cooking or farting competitions. Without the downsides like caring about each others’ families and shit.

“Women don’t trust men who don’t have female friends, so surely a man with multiple female friends is especially trustworthy even if the friends are under-35 and busty. Please, tell me what the problem is. I’m confident I can form strong counter-arguments.”

He added: “Of course, if I’m asked what I’m after I say a loving, serious, committed, monogamous long-term relationship. I’m not f**king stupid.”

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Woman simply does not have time for election this side of Christmas

A BUSY mum has urged MPs to back the Rwanda bill because she simply does not have room in her life for a general election right now.

38-year-old Susan Traherne from Gloucester still needs to send cards, wrap presents and do her big shop, leaving her unable to participate in democracy until mid-January at the earliest.

She said: “The Tories have had all year to implode. Doing it now isn’t fair on busy families trying to have festive fun.

“I can’t pay attention to new manifestos from all the major parties, and the Lib Dems, when I’ve got a carol concert to attend and a freezer to fill. Keir Starmer’s going to have to shelve his halting attempts to be charismatic until next year.

“When am I supposed to squeeze in popping to the polling booth? During a lull in a nativity play? I’ve got 20 minutes free next Tuesday and queuing at the Post Office will claim that.

“No, I’m sorry, we’re just going to have to let this shower of bastards rumble on for another fortnight. Booting them out will give us all something to look forward to in January.”

Rishi Sunak said: “Works for me. I’ve booked Chequers for the works Christmas do and can’t afford to lose my deposit.”