Disgraced serial liar and man who came third in reality show are Tory dream ticket

A MAN Britain has still not forgiven for lying to them and a man who came third in a little-watched reality show are the dream ticket for the Conservative party, apparently. 

Newspapers which lost touch with reality some time ago are touting Boris Johnson, who nobody has forgiven for Partygate, and Nigel Farage, who nobody has forgiven for Brexit, as the team which will take the Tories back to the top.

Telegraph columnist Abigail Pennson said: “Boris, thrown out against the will of the people. Nige, never elected against the will of the people. Together they’d be unstoppable.

“Not only are these two guys adored unreservedly, they’re loved by two completely different sections of the electorate: one centre-right, one ultra-right, so that covers every voter in Britain.

“And they’ll have no problem sharing the spotlight. Neither one is in any way a prima donna who thinks the whole world revolves around them. They’ll gel perfectly.”

Carolyn Ryan of Bedford said: “I’m not sure ‘as popular with ITV viewers as Matt Hancock’ is quite the resurgence in popularity the Daily Mail thinks.

“Though Boris told the Covid inquiry last week there were no parties in Downing Street over lockdown at all. And, hearing it this time, I now completely believe him.”

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Man in 11-month relationship believes it's too soon for presents

A MAN who has only been with his girlfriend since January has admitted he thinks it is still too early to exchange Christmas gifts.

Advertising executive Steven Malley believes as he and Joanna Kramer have not even been together for a full year, buying presents for each other would be premature and could ruin their relationship.

He continued: “I don’t want to come across as too eager. We’re still early doors.

“Yes, we’ve met each other’s parents, been on a couple of holidays together and we’re talking about getting a flat, but I don’t think we’re really there with presents.

“Would I mind spaffing a hundred quid on a box of soaps that smell of bergamot, whatever the f**k that’s even meant to be, if we were in a serious place? Of course not. I’d pay it happily, and I’m sure she’d buy me presents of equal or greater value.

“But now? The time’s not right. And none of my previous girlfriends have ever minded not getting gifts, I know because they told me so while they were breaking up with me for unrelated reasons.”

Kramer said: “I don’t want to go over the top, so I’ve just got him a new jacket, a mini-break to Edinburgh and his favourite aftershave.”