Wednesday, 19th February 2020

Cat wants open relationship

A CAT has told its owner that it wants to be free to see and be fed by other people. 

Four-year-old black domestic cat Eleanor Shaw has explained to her owner that it will not change the way she feels, but there are so many other households out there with something to offer.

She continued: “I think it’ll actually strengthen the bond between us. It’ll be more special when I do appear at the patio door, mewing for Whiskas.

“I’ll still probably sleep here most nights, and when I’ve got a mouse struggling for life in my mouth it’ll be you I bring it to. I promise.

“But if I’m honest I’ve already been crapping in a few of the neighbourhood gardens and I’m ready to take it to the next stage.

“A young cat like me shouldn’t be clawing the same armchair all the time, you know? I need room to breathe, to grow, to find out who I am. Plus at number 11 they have gourmet pouches that are to die for.”

Owner Helen Archer said: “I was in tears but I agreed. Mainly I was relieved she hadn’t found out about the big fluffy Persian I’ve been giving tuna in the afternoons.”