Couple's flat decorated entirely with photos of them

A COUPLE’S home has photographs of them together literally everywhere you look, friends have confirmed. 

Martin Bishop and Susan Traherne have been together for four years and, according to guests, a stroll around the flat takes you through their relationship practically in real time.

Friend Emma Bradford said: “There used to be one or two. A frame with fun ones they got done at a wedding. Some holiday ones. It wasn’t oppressive.

“But now you can’t glance away from their eager faces without seeing their eager faces somewhere else, staring back at you from Budapest or Edinburgh or Glastonbury.

“They’re in the kitchen. They’re all over the spare room. They’re in the toilet, which is a separate room from the bathroom, goggling at you wearing comedy moustaches while you try to have a crap.

“I don’t think they’re vain people. I think they’re just celebrating their love, but I wish they’d just do it by f*cking.”

Bishop said: “We don’t really like art, or other people’s children, or any bands or anything like that. So it’s just us on every surface until everyone goes mad.”

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Brexit to revive struggling Readers' Wives industry

A HARD Brexit would give the UK’s struggling Readers’ Wives industry the shot in the arm it needs to survive, experts believe. 

Under no-deal European pornography imports would face heavy tariffs, giving homegrown amateurs an opportunity to effectively take over the lower end of the market.

Dr Denys Finch Hatton, professor of porn at the University of Buckingham, said: “Without the EU, and with no trade deal with the USA, we would be forced to become erotically self-sufficient.

“Necessity is the mother of invention, or in this case the MILF. The UK could draw on its untapped wife reserves and, if it can get past the glasses and the dubiously-decorated lounge, still triumph.

“We have relied on imported grot for too long and it’s hurt our bottom line – and our pride.”

Reader’s Wife Joanna Kramer said: “When I first got into the industry, whether on the bonnet of a Ford Escort or in the bathroom of a suburban Wimpey, we knew that we were helping Britain. Foreign jazz mags took that away.

“It’s long past time we had a return to looking at pictures of naked ladies and wondering whether you recognise them from the tills at Asda.”