No-deal Brexit is the policy of a f*cking idiot and I am that idiot, says Boris

BORIS Johnson has launched his leadership campaign by confirming that only a f*cking halfwit would support no-deal Brexit and he is that man. 

The former mayor and foreign secretary believes the UK would rather have a massive economic disaster delivered on deadline than anything better later, and that only he is cretinous enough to do it.

He said: “I have no allegiance to reality. For far too long it has disregarded my views. I have no qualms about abandoning it entirely.

“I do not want Brexit to prove I am hard, like Dominic Raab, or to take revenge on the Scousers who bullied me at school like Esther McVey. I want it, like Britain, because I am stupid enough to believe it will benefit me personally.

“While superficially intelligent I am more than happy to be my country’s idiot on this one. Like a general in World War One, I will see you all slaughtered in order that I be proved right.

“Vote for me, and I promise I will f*ck this up. Look at my track record. That’s a promise you can trust.”

Conservative member Margaret Gerving said: “What if he’s only faking being stupid? That’s my big concern. I’d want him to have a lobotomy.”