Friday, 28th February 2020

Couple's relationship in crisis after phone-free evening

A COUPLE are strongly considering splitting up after deciding to turn off their phones for an entire evening.

Tom Logan and Nikki Hollis are bitterly regretting abstaining from their phones after a tedious and socially awkward evening of quality time.

Hollis said: “I thought it would be nice to spend some quality time together but once we’d covered ‘How was your day?’ we’d got fuck all to say to each other.

“After a short, stilted conversation about making pasta followed by tense silence I was gagging to mindlessly look at pictures of people I barely know having a nicer time than me on Instagram.

“Or videos of monkeys on skateboards or whatever. Just anything that’s more interesting than talking to that boring bastard Tom.”

Logan said: “Having quality time with Nikki was tolerable - just - but she doesn’t have the challenge and interactivity of a really good game on my phone.

“Also I’m sure she was waiting for me to be distracted so she could sneak her phone into the loo. That’s a side to her I haven’t seen before, the devious cow.”

Logan and Hollis are now planning to give their relationship “one last go” by spending an entire evening in silence posting on Facebook.