How to save money by dumping your partner now then getting back together on February 15

IF YOU’RE currently in a relationship, you have probably already resigned yourself to a financial outlay of between £5 and £48.99 on cards, gifts and a possible expensive takeaway. 

Love is all well and good but Valentine’s Day can seriously kick a hole in your monthly budget, especially if you are saving for a new telly. However the good news is that the financially canny can avoid it simply by ending their relationship today and re-starting it at a later date.

Much like with ISAs, strategically dumping your partner is all about deadlines and that is why your need to get rid of them today. And just as if you were switching building societies, you do not need to give a reason. Simply say ‘I do not love you any more’.

Great – now you’re single. The money you would have spent on heart-shaped chocolates or even a trip to Paris can now be invested in some highly competitive savings bonds.

On February 15, when the Valentine’s craze has passed, simply call up your former partner, or go into the living room if they are sleeping on the sofa, and tell them your relationship is back on.

If you’re feeling really romantic, you could even ask them if they want to get married for reasons of tax efficiency.

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BMW driver treated for exposure to non-classic rock

A BMW driver has been hospitalised after more than a minute’s exposure to music that was neither classic nor rock. 

43-year-old Tom Logan was driving at 90mph on the M1 when he suddenly realised that his shuffled playlist had finished and he was hearing music that was not only made recently but by women and not using guitars. 

Logan said: “I was trying to place whether it was from the 70s Fleetwood Mac album or the 80s Fleetwood Mac album, then I realised: that isn’t Stevie Nicks. Nor is it the other one. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got eclectic taste. Sometimes I listen to classic music that isn’t rock, or rock music that isn’t classic. 

“But this was neither. I swerved wildly across three lanes of traffic, trying desperately to get it off before its terrifying modernity penetrated my brain, just managing to wedge an Aerosmith CD into the slot before I hit a family car and mercifully blacked out. 

“I’m being treated with courses of 70s Floyd, Led Zep and Eagles and I’m expected to make a full recovery. But it’s a terrible shame about my car, and I suppose the other 18 vehicles involved.” 

Logan added: “What on earth is a ‘Dua Lipa’? And more importantly, why?”