Waking up with a hangover that’s left my anus barking like a dog, I imbibe more water than a data centre to take the edge off.
Back at my chambers, there is a knock at the door. Two gentlemen beam at me and hand me their card.
“Good morning, your Grace. We are Mr Timms and Mr Soper, representatives of the UK arms trading firm Amios.”
I could sense that a request for a donation was imminent. Don’t these cretins know the church only takes money and never gives it away?
My generous offer of “No fucking thanks” was met with a reply of: “B-but the British government has already agreed to fund us generously. We thought you might care to also?”
“Well, the British government are fucking idiots.”
“Please – please, your Grace, can you not see it in your Christian heart to make at least some sort of donation?”
“Wait there,” I said. I returned with two souvenirs of ground to air defences. I bid them turn around, pull down their trousers and underwear, and send them away with rockets up their arses.
That done, I take a light breakfast and peruse a periodical where I read that Julia Hartley-Brewer has called for people not to contribute to Jason Arday’s funeral costs. Meanwhile Nathan Cofnas, the ‘race realist’ who uncovered his apparent plagiarism, has been suspended from Ghent University.
Fuck me, no fuck you, you world’s worst pieces of scum. Hartley-Brewer, the only crowdfunding there’ll be the day you cark it will be for the piss-up to mark the national celebrations, you venomous, sadistic fucking hag! As for you, Cofras, your fucking delusion of racial superiority is way more a fantasy than anything Arday came up with, and a fucking evil, malicious, immiserating one at that! You shouldn’t be in fucking academia, you should be in a fucking pointed white hood!
This week, Channel 4 broadcast a documentary titled The Great ADHD Myth, presented by NHS psychiatrist, Daily Mail columnist and Spectator contributor Dr Max Pemberton. Claiming to be science led, it focuses on the experiences of one particular child.
Yeah, well, seeing right there which cunt tabloids are printing your fucking shit, we can see which side your fucking bread is buttered! Of course fucking ADHD is real, in the same way fucking global warming is real, despite the Channel 4 documentary 20 years ago claiming it was a fucking swindle! What’s in question is whether Channel 4 are suffering from Attention Seeking Moral Deficit Syndrome! I hope Ofcom tear you a new fucking arsehole! Like that’s gonna fucking happen!
Images from the Beatle biopics directed by Sam Mendes have been released. They show the Fab Four walking on Abbey Road’s famous zebra crossing, with one member flicking the Vs at the camera.
Yeah, like the fucking Beatles ever fucking did that! Who or what are these characters supposed to be? ‘John Lennon’ looks more like Father Abraham out of The Smurfs! As for the other three, who the fuck are they meant to be? Is the cunt at the back Tony Hadley? The other two look like a pair of fucking garden gnomes who’ve lost their fishing rods! This is gonna be even worse than the dog’s abortion that was Danny Boyle’s Sex Pistols biopic!
Finally, Reform UK announced a policy to ‘End Benefits Britain’ this week. The BBC spent an hour with cameras trained on an empty podium bearing the slogan. Nigel Farage said it was time to end the ‘something for nothing’ culture.
Shitting hell on a smouldering wildfire, if anyone knows about something for nothing it’s the cunt who draws a six figure salary per annum as MP for Clacton and doesn’t even bother to turn up! It’s you who should be sweeping the fucking streets, you scrounging, layabout! As for the BBC, once again, what is it with you and your fucking boyfriend Reform UK? Clearing the fucking decks to let them spout their stupid, uncosted, unworkable, distracting-from-Farage’s £5 million donation bullshit?
