Monday, 25th May 2020

Middle-aged man praised for having girlfriend in same age bracket

A 45-YEAR-OLD man has been congratulated for having a girlfriend born in the same decade as him.

Joseph Turner of London has received widespread acclaim for his new relationship with a woman only six years younger than he is, instead of one who was born when he was a teenager.

He said: “I’m not calling myself a hero. That’s for others to do.

“As an accountant from Penge who still has his hair, it would be perfectly natural to set my dating app for women aged 24 to 32. If I want wrinkles and emotional baggage, I can look in the mirror.

“But I stumbled across Hayley in a bar and we discuss the same kids’ TV and only like bands from the 1990s. She doesn’t text too much, she says ‘the Chunnel’ and we spend the weekends knackered from work. What a bloody relief.”

Turner’s colleague Mary Fisher said: “It’s a real step forward for Joseph, and for older women. He’s compromised over his ridiculous expectations of what he can get, and she’s compromised over everything else.

“It’s an entire societal realignment and he’s in the vanguard. Take that, Leonardo DiCaprio.”