Nerd boyfriend would be great if he wasn't so f**king nerdy

A WOMAN has told friends that her new nerd boyfriend would be perfect if he could stop being such a total nerd.

Joanna Kramer is in love with Tom Booker’s black-framed glasses, knitted cardigans and sensitivity, but wishes he would stop watching Firefly all the bloody time.

She said: “The first few months were great. He makes an effort, he doesn’t give a bugger about football and he’s so immensely grateful in bed.

“But I watched all the Marvel films, you know, like you have to, and then he said ‘Okay, so we’ve done the movies. Now for the TV series!’ Apparently there’s 17 seasons of them. What?

“He wears these T-shirts that combine the Terminator and Doctor Who instead of that nice Ted Baker shirt I got him, then he expects me to get the joke. Come on. I was popular at school mate.

“We’re going away for a surprise thing next weekend. I’ll decide then. If he messes this up I could be the last shag he ever has.”

Booker said: “I’ve not told Jo, but she and I are cosplaying as Mister Miracle and Big Barda at the Birmingham Comic Convention.”

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Woman who already pressed button at crossing annoyed at other woman pressing it

A WOMAN who already pressed the crossing button is annoyed at a second woman for pressing it again.

While having no way of knowing it was already pressed, Susan Traherne’s action provoked waves of anger and disbelief.

Grinding her teeth, original presser Helen Archer said: “Unbelievable. I’ve put the work in and she just comes along and acts like she fucking owns it.

“Did she think I was just standing here hoping the cars might stop on their own? Do I look like it’s my first time crossing the road?

“Anyway, she can’t take credit when the man goes green. Press it again, I dare you, bitch.”

A third person subsequently pressed the button, followed by a fourth, before traffic stopped and allowed them to cross.