'Cheap and easy' meal recipe assumes you already have truffle oil

A CELEBRITY chef’s ‘cheap’ recipe is guessing you already have about £40 worth of ingredients, including truffle oil and leftover wagyu beef.

Tom Logan’s ‘feed the family’ recipe for a ‘simple, midweek stew and potatoes’ asks for a purchase of potatoes, thyme and onions while presuming your kitchen is stocked with things like Himalayan salt and dehydrated olives.

Overlooking the fact that these ingredients are pointless, making the recipe costs the same as a meal out and you still have to cook it yourself.

Mother-of-two Nikki Hollis said: “I pre-heated the oven, put the water on to boil then realised I didn’t have any truffle oil.

“Because why the fuck would I?”

She added: “They should either get you to use normal oil or rename the recipe ‘stupid bullshit stew and potatoes’.”

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Smashed phone screens join official list of things that are cool

ROCKING a phone with a cobweb-smashed touchscreen is officially cool, according to experts.

New analysis has confirmed that the fly kids wrecking shit with battle-damaged iPhones are officially hot, and undamaged phones are for fakes and haters.

Professor Henry Brubaker from the Institute of Studies said: “We set out, after a big night, to examine the question of who doesn’t drop their phone when they’re a bit fucked-up.

“Our initial hypothesis of ‘boring bastards’ was confirmed when both Dr Finch-Hatton and lab tech Wayne Hayes were observed using phones with intact screens.

“You probably don’t know them. But they’re twats.”

Fashion experts involved in the study likened splintered screens to distressed denim, while abstract artists rated the aesthetic power of a kaleidoscopic peacock’s tail of colour over some fat Facebook baby.

Brubaker added: “Which perfectly explains the phenomenal popularity of iPhones. They shatter at absolutely nothing.”