Newly co-habiting couple brought to brink by argument about laundry basket

A COUPLE who moved in together last week are on the brink of splitting up after a disagreement about how much to spend on a laundry basket.

Nikki Hollis and Joe Turner have got their own place after 18 months of dating and now find themselves locked in battle between her interior design style of deconstructed shabby chic and his ‘whatever’s in Wilko’ approach.

Hollis said: “I thought we’d discussed the big things, like dividing bills, whose phone charger goes where, putting the toilet seat down. I did not see this coming.

“How can he not see that a black nylon ‘pop-up’ laundry basket will ruin the whole feel of the bedroom for me and make me not want to be in there, let alone have sex?”

Turner said: “I’m not spending £70 for a grey felt one from John Lewis. It’s for putting your dirty pants in.

“I’m willing to compromise and go up to say £15, but this isn’t a statement piece of furniture. It goes in a corner of the bedroom. I think we can cope with wicker.”

The couple can now expect to have a number of challenging conversations about what size TV is necessary, if a Star Wars figurine is an ornament and whether the whole concept of a ‘toilet book’ is indeed disgusting.

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Cat wants open relationship

A CAT has told its owner that it wants to be free to see and be fed by other people. 

Four-year-old black domestic cat Eleanor Shaw has explained to her owner that it will not change the way she feels, but there are so many other households out there with something to offer.

She continued: “I think it’ll actually strengthen the bond between us. It’ll be more special when I do appear at the patio door, mewing for Whiskas.

“I’ll still probably sleep here most nights, and when I’ve got a mouse struggling for life in my mouth it’ll be you I bring it to. I promise.

“But if I’m honest I’ve already been crapping in a few of the neighbourhood gardens and I’m ready to take it to the next stage.

“A young cat like me shouldn’t be clawing the same armchair all the time, you know? I need room to breathe, to grow, to find out who I am. Plus at number 11 they have gourmet pouches that are to die for.”

Owner Helen Archer said: “I was in tears but I agreed. Mainly I was relieved she hadn’t found out about the big fluffy Persian I’ve been giving tuna in the afternoons.”