Friday, 10th July 2020

Successfully opening stuck jar better than sex

OPENING a jar that nobody else has been able to open is better than achieving orgasm through intercourse. 

Research showed that twisting the top off a stubborn jar of gherkins in front of several people who have failed to do so also beats Christmas, being promoted or the birth of a child.

Tom Logan of Wrexham said: “I’ll never forget the date. November 19th, 2008. Mum had run that jar of pickled onions under the hot tap and Dad had whacked it on the sideboard, but it just wouldn’t shift.

“Even my brother Mick, who does weights at the gym, couldn’t do anything with it. Then I step up, like a hero, and with one twist it’s off.

“I became a man that day. And it tasted sweet, Sweet, like a sweet, sweet onion in vinegar. Best day of my life.”

Brother Mick Logan said: “Whatever. I fucking loosened it for him.”