A COUPLE whose arguments and infidelities have horrified and fascinated everyone around them for years are now married.
Despite a relationship so beset by drama that it should serve as a cautionary tale, Donna and Tom Logan have decided to continue their shitshow of a union until death do them part.
Friend Lucy Parry said: “Married? F**king hell. Glad they only told us afterwards. That would be like being invited to attend the landing of the Hindenberg.
“Okay, the highs and many, many lows of Martin and Donna’s relationship have kept us entertained for years, but it never occurred to me they’d put a ring on it. Once you’ve shat the bed, you don’t promise a registrar that you’ll lay in it forever.
“I imagine he had to get a new suit, after she cut the crotch out of all his others when he went on a night out on her cat’s birthday last year. And he’d shagged all her mates so she went with her sister as witness, because we’d all kept quiet about New Year’s Eve 2019.
“Do they think the normal reaction to a marriage announcement is ‘Really’ or ‘Oh f**k’? Because that’s what they got. It’s the sole time I’ve looked up the high divorce rate, just to reassure myself.”
Donna Logan said: “It’s sad for them, trapped in marriages without any drama, never breaking any furniture. I hope we never end up like that.”