A MAN going on a men’s night out that could conceivably end up in a nightclub has taken the sensible precaution of wearing trainers.
38-year-old Tom Booker feared that a few catch-up pints with old friends could escalate to an all-nighter that goes all the way to a nightclub, so he has prudently worn a pair of scuffed Air Force Ones.
He said: “Me and the boys rarely get the chance to meet up, so I suspect they’ll seize the chance to go large. Not on my watch.
“I’m no longer in my twenties, so I’m not pretending clubbing’s anything but an exhausting, tinnitus-inducing absurdly expensive ordeal. If I want much younger girls to stare at me in disdain I have daughters.
“We agreed on a few rounds in a quiet snug, and thanks to my trainers that’s exactly what we’ll be f**king doing. No bouncer will countenance these. They’ll be shouting ‘Not tonight, son’ when I’m on the other side of the street.
“Sorry lads, I won’t be able to pay £10 to get into a strobe-lit hell playing a tooth-looseningly banging remix of Someone You Loved to an empty but sticky dancefloor. I’ll just have to get a cab home. Shame.”
Friend Martin Bishop said: “Tom’s working harder, not smarter. He should just use his kids to get out of it like I do. What else was the point of having them?”