Thursday, 13th May 2021

Same-sex Catholic wedding marred by fireball from God

THE Vatican’s decision not to bless same-sex unions has led to a gay couple’s wedding in Bournemouth being completely ruined by fire and brimstone. 

Josh Hudson and Ryan Whittaker had planned a low-key wedding in the picturesque seaside town, but the event was disrupted when fireballs obliterated their rose and delphinium centrepiece.

Whittaker said: “Our first thought was that the Lord had a problem with ostentatious floral displays, but after Pope Francis’s announcement we realised that it must be all the bum stuff.

“Now I think about it we went to a lesbian wedding in 2018 and the buffet was devoured by a plague of locusts. But nobody minded too much because it was just flavoured hummus and carrot sticks.”

Hudson and Whittaker had intended to honeymoon in Hawaii, but sudden large-scale flooding has swept their hotel into the Pacific Ocean. They have since rebooked in a B&B in Huddersfield.

Wedding photographer Roy Hobbs said: “It’s bad, but I was at a straight wedding last week where the couple had their first dance to Bon Jovi, so things could always be worse.”

God said: “Personally I wish Josh and Ryan all the best. But them’s the rules.”