Secret to female orgasm is 'doing stuff they actually like'

THE secret to the female orgasm is to just ask them what they actually like and then do it, researchers have found.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “The way it works is this – you have a sit down with her, ask her what she’s into and what she’s not into. Take notes if need be.

“Once you have the list you can discuss how you should proceed, and then you focus on meeting her demands.

“As long you continue to follow the simple instructions, the orgasm should happen as planned.”

He added: “I can’t believe it took this long to figure it out. Better late than never.”


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Greta Thunberg is 'pathetic', says middle-aged man who can't load dishwasher

GRETA Thunberg has been dismissed as a ‘pathetic waste of space’ by a middle-aged man who cannot load a dishwasher.

The teenage environmental campaign was described as an ‘utter fool’ by Martin Bishop, who also has no idea how to use a vacuum cleaner.

Bishop, who frequently skips work by pretending to be sick, also said the young climate activist should ‘go back to school’.

Having protested just once in his life – against the doughnut price increase in the company canteen – he stressed that ‘there are more important things in this life than trying to save the world’.

Bishop admitted he was ‘not sure’ whether there is such a thing as human-driven climate change, but insisted ‘our kids will figure it out one day’.