A MAN who claims to have a liberating attitude towards sex is actually just desperate to get his end away, it has emerged.
Frustrated man Joseph Turner makes a big deal about how sex in all its forms should be embraced in the vain hope that a woman will find his progressive outlook attractive and touch his penis.
Turner said: “Blowies, tit wanks, facials, they’re all good. Hopefully I’m making all the ladies wet just talking about them.
“I’m not like other men with their selfish and backward views of sex. I think everyone should be free to do whatever turns them on with whoever’s up for it. And if that includes me and half a dozen busty bikini models, then so be it.
“I’ve also been doing loads of research on PornHub and it turns out people are into all sorts. Stepsisters, MILFs and Lisa Ann are just a fraction of my findings which prove sexuality is a broad spectrum.
“Anyway, that’s enough right-on small talk, fancy a shag? Not even a handjob? Please, it’s been years.”
Woman Nikki Hollis said: “I’m really into not shagging pathetic, morally bankrupt losers. It’s nice of Joseph to respect that.”
