By Martin Bishop, 45
I HAVE recently discovered that the passage of time has been unfairly applied to me.
When I was 25, having sex with a 25-year-old woman was completely normal. Nobody asked what we had in common. Nobody wondered whether I was having a crisis about my mortality. I’m not having one now, by the way. I just want to shag someone prettier.
But now I’m 45 I’m apparently supposed to think a 25-year-old is a different category of human being. This makes no sense – a 25-year-old is still 25, surely? The only difference is that I’m old enough now to remember when her birth year was the future in sci-fi films.
So, having matched online with a 25-year-old, why does everyone think it’s weird?
I’ve asked my friends but they keep saying things like ‘Because she’s young enough to be your daughter, Martin’. She’s not though, is she? I’d remember that. And we have so much in common. We both use the internet. We both know what Netflix is. She has nice boobs. It’s kismet.
She enjoys travelling, and I’ve discovered that driving to the Premier Inn in Bath is convenient for a bunk-up due its ample on-site parking. She wants to go to Barcelona, and I’m fine going there and having sex if we’re not always staying up late, as I do need my eight hours these days.
Naturally we’ve got our differences, but that’s a good thing because relationships are about compromise.
She’s always talking about ‘making memories’. I’m not sure what that means because you do it automatically, don’t you? And I’ve got plenty of memories already. There are loads from the 1990s and they’re not that interesting.
Yes, I think we’ve got it all wrong about age. When I was 25 I also thought 45-year-old men were ancient. Now I realise they’re just young people who’ve just been alive a couple of extra decades and developed an interest in air fryers.
And finally I’d like to dispel this idea that there’s a ‘power imbalance’. I can’t see it. It’s not like you increase in strength as you get older. If anything, the opposite happens. It certainly has to my bladder.
