YOU’RE in a doomed relationship and celebrating it next week would be a sick mockery of love. But should you stay in it for the chocolates?
FOR: It’s terribly lonely spending Valentine’s Day single. Perhaps not as lonely as sitting silently in a restaurant opposite someone whose touch now makes you shudder, but still lonely.
AGAINST: The empty, isolating sex after an evening of pink raspberry truffles, insincere sentiments on cards and rosé champagne might put you off relationships forever.
FOR: Perhaps your partner’s really splurged on something fantastic, like a weekend in the Cotswolds with a balloon trip, and maybe that will turn your loathing back to love.
AGAINST: Or your partner could be hoping that you’ve splashed out on a romantic weekend in the Lakes. Both your faces will fall when you realise you’ve just got each other the same M&S chocolates, and the resentment will turn into the most vicious row you’ve ever had.
FOR: If you end it now, then it’s possible you could go the whole of 2020 without having even one shag. And in a worst case scenario: the whole of the 2020s.
AGAINST: You could break up cleanly now, like a person of principle with your self-respect intact. Then spend Valentine’s Day with your favourite internet pornography, and you could be seeing someone you actually like by Shrove Tuesday.
CONCLUSION: Free chocolates though.