Should you prolong your doomed relationship until Valentine's Day?

YOU’RE in a doomed relationship and celebrating it next week would be a sick mockery of love. But should you stay in it for the chocolates? 

FOR: It’s terribly lonely spending Valentine’s Day single. Perhaps not as lonely as sitting silently in a restaurant opposite someone whose touch now makes you shudder, but still lonely. 

AGAINST: The empty, isolating sex after an evening of pink raspberry truffles, insincere sentiments on cards and rosé champagne might put you off relationships forever. 

FOR: Perhaps your partner’s really splurged on something fantastic, like a weekend in the Cotswolds with a balloon trip, and maybe that will turn your loathing back to love. 

AGAINST: Or your partner could be hoping that you’ve splashed out on a romantic weekend in the Lakes. Both your faces will fall when you realise you’ve just got each other the same M&S chocolates, and the resentment will turn into the most vicious row you’ve ever had. 

FOR: If you end it now, then it’s possible you could go the whole of 2020 without having even one shag. And in a worst case scenario: the whole of the 2020s. 

AGAINST: You could break up cleanly now, like a person of principle with your self-respect intact. Then spend Valentine’s Day with your favourite internet pornography, and you could be seeing someone you actually like by Shrove Tuesday. 

CONCLUSION: Free chocolates though.

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London best friends meet up every two years

TWO best mates living in London have cemented their friendship by meeting up after not seeing each other for two years.

Tom Logan and Nathan Muir, who went to school together, went for drinks in the Three Crowns in central London, the same venue as their last meeting 729 days ago.

Logan said: “Me and Nathan are really close. It turns out he got married six months ago, which is the sort of thing a best mate is really glad to know.”

Muir said: “The great thing is, even if we haven’t seen each other for 104 weeks, we pick up exactly where we left off.”

On this occasion, as with all previous ones, this meant doing impressions of Mr Hughes, their school science teacher, before falling into an awkward silence only broken when Muir said he needed to visit the toilet.

Sadly, having arranged to meet at 8.15pm, Muir had to leave at 9.15 because he had to prep for a meeting the next day at work.

Logan said: “No worries. We’ve agreed to definitely stay in touch more and meet up in a month’s time. By which we mean 2023.”