SOMETIMES a man will find himself being gently prodded in the right direction on an issue. Here Steve Malley explains how to bloodymindedly ignore subtle suggestions.
Let helpful hints about gifts for anniversaries or birthdays drift by unnoticed. Strongly suggest the lights are on but nobody’s home by ignorantly talking about something else over any hint-filled conversation. If the hint-giver, most likely your partner, feels they were talking to a hamster preoccupied with its wheel, job done.
Question the source
If a friend drops hints that your partner would like a certain present, go full Gene Hunt and question the authenticity of the information, eg. ‘Did she tell you herself?’ ‘Is this just speculation?’ Questions like this will show you’re nobody’s fool and not swayed by idle gossip. Or to put it more simply: people will stop bothering you if you’re a constant pain in the arse.
Just ignore it
The nuclear option of hints – ignore them completely. If someone says ‘I’m not sure about this top’, clearly fishing for you to say it looks great, say, ‘No, I’m not sure about it either. It’s actually pretty horrible.’ By now everyone will have you down as a rude, unsubtle pillock anyway.
Ask for further clarification
Really drag out WHY you shouldn’t be asking your partner’s friend if that’s her natural hair colour, or when the baby’s due. Perhaps there are other topics you should be avoiding too? If your partner suspects you may be putting her off dropping hints, claim you just desperately don’t want to cause anyone any embarrassment. Butter wouldn’t melt, etc.
Claim you already knew
Be the font of all knowledge. If, for example, a date is insistent on giving you tedious clues about her likes and dislikes in an effort to gain your interest, just blunder ahead making assumptions about her. This is unlikely to impress, but you don’t want to go out with a hinty person anyway.