COUPLES unable to get out of the way of other pedestrians for fear of their love have been advised that they will be fine.
As social distancing becomes increasingly stressful, couples acting like the pavement is the parade route for their devotion have been asked if they could get a f**king grip.
Lone pedestrian Nikki Hollis said: “We get it, you’re having sex on lockdown. But not holding hands for three seconds is not tantamount to being dumped.
“Normally I’d brush by these tedious twats huffily but now I have to give them a two-metre berth in case they kill me, which invariably means stepping out into the road which could also kill me. For your love.
“Would seeing me splatted by a wanker of a driver speeding because there’s no other traffic make your springtime walk romantic? Or a traumatic relationship-ruining nightmare? Just get out of the f**king way.”
Hollis added: “And don’t even get me started on those bastards that insist on going jogging together.”