Saturday, 8th May 2021

You can propose to your boyfriend today, if he's a twat

WOMEN unfortunate enough to want or need to marry a man who is a complete twat are officially allowed to propose today. 

Leap Day allows women in relationships with men who have have not yet proposed to them the chance to humiliatingly pop the question themselves.

Helen Archer said: “I have a child with my boyfriend. We have a mortgage together. For legal reasons we need to be married, but regrettably he is a twat.

“So I shall get down on one knee and do what he really should have done himself years ago. Just like I do with everything f**king else.”

Francesca Johnson said: “I’m with one of those leftie wankers who doesn’t believe in sexism, so I guess it’s down to me.

“I’ll propose, he’ll accept, he’ll spend the rest of the day going on to his twat mates about how non-traditional and groundbreaking it was while I bite my lip and don’t say anything.

“It’s good there’s a special day for women in long-term romantic relationships with dickheads. Shame it’s only every four years.”