IN your thirties? Want to forge deep and meaningful connections with new people? Here’s how that won’t happen.
Go to a party
Social gatherings are a tried and tested way of making new friends, but once you’re in your thirties people only go to them out of obligation. They’re too tired to engage with your small talk, and they haven’t got enough room in their lives for a new person anyway, so you’re better off staying at home and talking to your plants.
Join an internet forum
Thanks to the internet, lonely people can gravitate towards each other in depressing Reddit forums. But rather than using the information superhighway to build digital friendships, they’ll mainly argue about which Sonic the Hedgehog game is the best. If you wade into the comments with your opinion, expect to make some mortal enemies instead of new mates.
Hit the town
If you go out on the town you’re bound to run into people and strike up a friendship. Either that or you’ll get in a fight with someone because they’re worried you’re trying to chat up their missus. This is understandable because you’re lurking around in pubs and nightclubs on your own. You look pretty weird.
Ask on social media
It’s a bit pathetic, but you could post a status about how you’re feeling lonely and you need some new buddies. This will offend your existing friends because it gives the impression that they aren’t good enough for you, then they’ll unfollow you and you’ll have even less pals than you started with. Bummer.
Accept the fact that once you’re in your thirties you don’t develop any new friendships. No, your colleagues and the man who works in the corner shop don’t count. Try getting married instead, as then someone will be legally and financially bound to you for at least a couple of years.