Airport worker almost forgets to add the chemtrails

A MAN who refuels commercial jets has admitted he almost forgot to add the mind controlling chemicals.

Aircraft maintenance technician Wayne Hayes revealed he only remembered at the last minute to pour the big jug full of stuff into the plane’s fuel tank.

The substance will be sprayed out the back of the plane in a ‘hidden’ bright white line of steam you can see from 40,000 feet away and will make you believe everything the ‘deep state’ wants you to believe.

Hayes said: “I’d have been in a real pickle if I forgot. The secret government cabal that provides them to every airport without the public finding out would have given me a right bollocking.

“The last person who sent a plane off with just normal fuel was sent to the secret Illuminati jail under St Paul’s Cathedral. No thanks.”

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Parents confirm they have great respect for 'parenting experts' and don't want them to shut the f**k up

PARENTS who are told by experts how to take care of their children have expressed their gratitude and absolutely do want everyone to shut it.

After years of being warned that every single thing they do will turn their offspring into sociopaths, parents stressed it was not confusing or patronising in any way.

Mother-of two Emma Howard said: “Stay home with them, go to work, breastfeed them forever, make sure they sleep 18 hours a day while learning a second language, eating organic food, doing homework and getting regular exercise. 

“And don’t let them have sugar, TV, screens or knives.

“Thank you so much because I wake up every day thinking ‘how can I make sure my kids turn into dicks’.

“So please do not shut the absolute fuck up.”

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “Research shows that 99 per cent of parents are doing everything wrong. I don’t actually have any children myself, but I did once sit next to a noisy child on a bus.