CHILDREN born using three-person IVF will be allowed to quote an adapted version of Philip Larkin’s This Be the Verse.
Larkin’s estate has agreed that the offspring will be allowed to say ‘they fuck you up, your mum and dad and mum’ or ‘they fuck you up, your mum and dad and dad’.
A spokesman said: “As their lives will be 50% more excruciating than everyone else’s it seems only fair.
“Whether they also want to include ‘they may not mean to, but they do’ will be optional. As it is for everyone else.”
Psychologists have welcomed the government’s decision to approve three-person IVF, describing it as ‘a goddamn goldmine’.
Dr Martin Bishop said: “Basically, all we do is ask two questions – ‘how was your relationship with your mother?’ and ‘how was your relationship with your father?’. Now we get to ask a third question.
“Genetics really is an incredible science. I’m going to buy a very large house.”
Meanwhile, the government has pledged subsidised help for the offspring in the event of all three parents going completely bonkers at the same time.
A department of health spokesman: “IVF is brilliant, but eventually some poor bastard is going to have to cope with three increasingly right-wing nudists.”