Independent Scotland will not be allowed to use British oxygen

BRITISH oxygen molecules that drift into an independent Scotland must be sent back immediately, it has been claimed.

The leaders of the three main political parties warned that an independent Scotland would have no automatic right to use Britains sovereign gases.

Prime minister, David Cameron, said: If the Scottish Nationalists think there is going to be a free flow of gases back and forth across the border then its obvious they know very little about the nature of gas.

Gases like to stay put. In much the same way as water.

Nick Clegg, the self-styled deputy prime minister, said: I would prefer to breathe Franco-German oxygen. I also think that Scottish people should breathe Franco-German oxygen, I just dont think they should be allowed to breathe British oxygen if theyre not British anymore.

So, anyway, thats what I think.

Meanwhile, Labours Ed Miliband warned: Well know if youve breathed our oxygen because, when we get it back, it wont be oxygen anymore. Itll be carbon dioxide.

I used to be the energy minister, so I’m basically a scientist.

Bill McKay, from Edinburgh, said: Oh well, that’s that. You cant just make oxygen. Or maybe you can.

I’ve really no idea.

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