It will never be cold again, agrees Britain

THE UK has agreed that today’s mild sunshine means summer has arrived and it will never be cold again.

Across the country Britons are stowing away their winter wardrobes, firing up barbecues and preparing for long, lazy days in the blazing sun watching the World Cup.

Joe Turner, from Uttoxeter, said: “Who’s for skinny-dipping later? After we’ve drunk eight beers each in the golden light of the setting sun, obviously.

Emma Bradford, from Hatfield, added: “There’s just this tiny doubt in the back of my mind, almost as if I’ve been fooled like this before. As if everyone has.

“But no, British people are not stupid people. I think I’ll walk home, and leave my coat at work.”