THE abyss of an age verification check has gazed back at a man preparing to prove he is old enough to access pornography.
Before accessing the finest free smut the internet has to offer, aspiring masturbator Tom Booker must first stare down his own weary, aroused expression via an adult website’s age verification check.
He said: “Forget scrolling through videos of MILFs and step-cousins trapped in washing machines. Gazing at my dead eyes, cock in hand, is the most depressing part of this whole dance.
“Nobody should suffer the indignity of looking at themselves before they rub one out. Even casinos protect the dignity of their patrons by banning mirrors. Plus making my face fit the oval kills the vibe just like putting a condom on, which I haven’t needed to do in the 18 months since I got dumped.
“And who knows where these age verification check photos end up. Maybe there’s a database of my haggard, horny mug out there somewhere. That’s the last thing I need to think about when I just want to wank to some tits.
“Maybe this is for the best though. It’s a chance for me to pause and reflect on my life. Do I really want to spend my evening watching hot people slam their bodies into each other? Perhaps I should go out and find love instead.”
He added: “Oh, wait, I’m in. Time to fire up some freaky hentai shit then feel disgusted with myself ten minutes later.”
