LILY Allen has re-entered the musical fray with a new album detailing her traumatic, salacious breakup. Is that why you’re listening?

Julian Cook, police officer: “Boiling Allen’s music down to the grotty details of her personal life is disrespectful and sexist. It’s not her fault that’s what all her songs are about.”

Nikki Hollis, HR manager: “I’m listening because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to understand the endless newspaper opinion pieces. Life wouldn’t be worth living if I couldn’t enjoy them.”

Jack Browne, plasterer: “I’m excited to hear how far autotune technology has progressed since 2018’s No Shame. I’m only one track into West End Girl and she’s already pushing the envelope.”

Mary Fisher, videographer: “I refuse to listen to her so-called music so that she’ll be forced to focus on her more important work: flogging foot pics on OnlyFans.”

Bill McKay, food tester: “I’m desperately trying to claw my way back to 2006, to a time before everything went to shit. Listening to Lily Allen seems as good a way as any.”