THE owner of a Smart car has admitted that the car he drives is overcompensation for his prodigious penis.
Joseph Turner, from Haringey, confessed he must have chosen the the smallest car on the road because subconsciously he is tired of being known as ‘the guy with the 11-inch wang’.
He continued: “I’m embarrassed of how obvious it must be to everyone else.
“When the lads at work see me deftly manoeuvring it into a tiny parking space with a grin of self-satisfaction, I feel ashamed because I’ve basically given away exactly how much I’m packing.
“I can’t help it. When I’m driving I want to escape, not be in command of some huge, powerful thing that other men envy but is actually more inconvenient than useful.
“I don’t have to thrust out into traffic or overtake everything on the road. I can just pootle along at 60, enjoying being unshowy, diminutive and unconventionally attractive.
“One of my colleagues scratched ‘Joey Trousersnake’ into the drivers’ side wing last week. Men can be so cruel.”