THE yoghurt industry must start making antibiotic yoghurts or everyone will die, experts have claimed.
Scientist Mary Fisher said: “For decades scientists have waged a war with the yoghurt-makers, which for some reason thinks bacteria are great.
“With their shameless fostering of pestilence, these probiot-ists will send us back to the dark ages. They are the biggest bastards going.
“I especially blame Martine McCutcheon, whom I consider to be a traitor to mankind.”
She added: “In the 80s they tried to make yoghurts with syphilis in but we burned down the factory.”
A yoghurt industry spokesman said: “Science is wrong. Bacteria are our friends.
“One day massive cow-sized bacteria will rule the world and they will kill everyone who doesn’t like special yoghurts.”