A 28-YEAR-OLD woman has asked how many more years she has to spend pretending to like nightclubs.
Francesca Johnson of Brighton has been feigning pleasure at being in hot, deafening basements filled with aggressive drunks for a decade, and fears there may be another decade to go.
She said: “The night always begins somewhere pleasant – cocktails, dressed up, big mirrors and fancy chairs – but I don’t understand why it has to end with a literal descent to a red-lit hell.
“It’s like a parable about the dangers of alcohol where if you don’t stop drinking early, you’ll end up queuing for 40 minutes for a piss while men in polo shirts grind up against you to the sound of David Guetta.
“Drugs make it bearable, but I can tell nobody’s enjoying this any more than I am. Why can’t we just stop?”
Johnson added: “Oh, I get it. This is why people have babies.”