£70k a year nothing, factory workers agree

A GROUP of Burnley factory workers have agreed that nobody on £70,000 a year can really be considered ‘rich’. 

The men, who hold minimum wage line operator positions at a engineering firm, have reacted to Labour’s threat to tax the ‘rich’ earning £70,000 or more a year with incredulity.

Roy Hobbs, aged 55, said: “Where are they getting their average income figures? 1975?

“With those kind of earnings, assuming your spouse’s earnings are roughly equivalent, you’re going to get a mortgage of £450k, tops. That goes nowhere in this market.

Co-worker Wayne Hayes said: “And don’t forget school fees. Knock those off, couple of decent foreign holidays a year, you’d be struggling to build an investment portfolio.”

Norman Steele agreed: “Your £70k a year, they’re these just-about-managing that Theresa May knows about. The last thing they can cope with is more tax.

“These Labour politicians need to get their heads out of their arses and live in the real world.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

May rules out TV debate because her voters only like the wireless

THERESA May has ruled out a TV debate because the voters she wants to reach have the wireless on with their cup of tea. 

The prime minister told Radio 4’s Today that her target audience stopped trusting the television when it went from three to four channels, and nowadays only turn it on for their grandchildren.

She continued: “I’ve no interest whatsoever in reaching out to the young, or the middle-aged, or anyone capable of higher cognitive functions like changing the channel.

“No, the voters I want are those who shuffle around suburban homes imagining they’re manning a fortress of English values besieged by immigrant hordes.

“Ideally they’re over 75, have never missed an election, and are unable to separate the whispering voice of a local radio presenter saying ‘Bring back the real money’ from their own thoughts.

“And I have called an election now so the future that these true, stalwart Britons believe in can be set in stone before they all pass on.”

82-year-old Mary Fisher said: “I like that woman they have now. She’s right what she says about a good deal for Britain. The other man sounds scruffy.”