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A copy of the Metro, and other presents for people with January birthdays

FRIEND selfish enough to be born in January? Insensitively expecting a birthday present regardless of your overdraft? These make ideal cost-effective gifts: 

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'Trump would have been convicted if you'd pulled your f**king fingers out'

A REPORT has revealed that Donald Trump would have been convicted if the American justice system had stopped pulling its pud and done something. 

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