'Alan' confirmed as next uber-cool hipster name

SEVENTIES names like Alan and Jackie are going to be the new names for the children of cool urban professionals, they have confirmed.

Now vintage names such as Agnes, Edith and Wilfred have become mainstream, hipster parents are turning to more recent decades for underused names to make painfully fashionable.

Tom Logan of Oxford said: “Until pretty recently kids with names you’d usually associate with grandparents, like Stanley or Erwin, were rare but they’re ten a penny now.

“So we’re going for something really leftfield and calling our son Alan. After Alan Dale who played Jim Robinson on Neighbours, who I have a tattoo of on my back.

“We think that’s the right mix of obscure and utterly f**king twattish, but also on the list are Scott, Darren, Craig and Lee.

“If it’s a girl next time, we’re considering Sandra, Janet, Dawn or Linda. Basically anything that sounds like it belongs to a middle aged person who works in a building society.”

He added: “We aren’t even considering Nigel, though. That’s basically abuse.”

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Clear the house

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