Amazing qualities projected onto awful girlfriend

A MAN has met finally met the woman of his dreams by imagining she is much nicer than she is.

Tom Logan frequently describes new partner Nikki Hollis in glowing terms that cause confusion when his friends meet her and discover she is a pain in the arse.

Logan said: “Nikki is an incredibly warm person with a fantastic sense of humour. I can’t think of an example off the top of my head, but she has got a Garfield mug saying ‘I hate Mondays’.

“That’s brilliant.”

He added: “My friends look really uncomfortable when I talk about how beautiful she is. I might have to stop being friends with them if they can’t get over their jealousy.”

However, friends have cited traits such as her recounting tedious events – including having a new radiator installed – in an impenetrable wall of chatter going on for up to 20 minutes.

Donna Sheridan said: “You’d think he’d somehow pulled a combination of Florence Nightingale and Princess Leia. So I was surprised when she told me she’s got her own personal angel who watches over her.”

Hollis said: “Tom’s really into me, but unfortunately that will have no influence on my decision to chuck him quite soon in a really inappropriate way, probably just after we’ve had a romantic meal.”

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Cameron waiting until weekend to condemn Putin

THE prime minister has decided that condemning Vladimir Putin for entertaining an anti-democratic despot can wait a few days.

Cameron has confirmed that human rights are still at the heart of his agenda but that his censure of the Russian president’s meeting with Syria’s President Assad is more of a Saturday thing.

He continued: “Certainly I’ll bring up Assad’s ruthless slaughter of anyone demanding regime change and the fact that Putin is ignoring all that for trade deals.

“It’s just there’s a lot on at the moment, important state business and that kind of thing, and I don’t want to confuse people unnecessarily.

“No point in banging on about state oppression midweek, when everyone’s got work and stuff to think about.”

When asked if he would condemn countries that brutally quashed peaceful pro-democracy protests, Cameron said he would certainly do so if it were polite.