Annoying women claim to look alike

TWO close female friends claim to look almost identical despite this obviously not being the case.

Life-long best friends Susan Traherne and Emma Bradford believe they look ‘like sisters’ and enjoy describing how others mix them up.

Susan Traherne said: “People can’t believe we aren’t related, it just totally freaks them out.

“Even our husbands sometimes do a double take. As you can imagine, that is really funny.

“I had to get my hair done in a different style – shorter and more layered – so that people can tell us apart.

“It’s almost spooky.”

Emma Bradford said: “I say to Susan that we are sisters from another womb.

“Sometimes we wear each others’ clothes which really confuses everyone. You wouldn’t believe the farcical situations that occur, it’s crazy.

“Because we really do look very alike.”

Bradford’s work colleague Tom Logan said: “They are obsessed with this for some reason.

“The main similarity between them is that they are both annoying and love attention.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Employers using psychometric tests to separate liars from morons

COMPANIES are using psychometric tests to distinguish between liars and people who are too stupid to lie.

The tests use a series of questions like ‘Is hard repetitive low-paid toil your favourite thing?’ and ‘Are you passionate about being treated badly by your managers and the general public?’.

HR manager Donna Sheridan said: “If they truthfully answer ‘yes’ they’re perfect for mindless tasks in our vast, featureless warehouses, and if they’re barefaced liars we can put them in door-to-door sales to prey on the gullible and senile.

“We can find out even more about them with ridiculous abstract questions like ‘Would you rather be stuck in a lift with Enya or Megatron?’.

“If you don’t abandon the test muttering ‘this is bullshit’, you’re exactly the sort of unquestioning, humourless corporate drone who can be moulded like a golem from a lump of clay.”

She added: “Asking them to choose their favourite actor is particularly valuable. If they say ‘Him out of Death Wish’, that’s our new foyer security guard.”